I have always wondered if there was such a thing as an overthinking anonymous support group? A place where I can get up and say “ hello my name is Vixxy Rose and I am a chronic self-second-guesser.” But I know as soon as those words would leave my lips my mind would kick in and immediately I would want to move to another continent and start a new life under a different name!

Because every time I make a decision — literally any decision — there’s a moment of peace for like a second or two but then, like clockwork, my brain’s like:

“Wait. Was that too confident? Should I smile? Maybe that was too sarcastic? Or maybe should I just delete my whole personality and start over?”

One second I’m proud of myself for making a decision like an adult, and the next I’m mentally drafting everything wrong with that decision and the way I adult is completely wrong.

Tiny Decisions, Massive Spirals

It’s impressive, really, how quickly I can turn something simple like making toast into a full blown debate with myself over carbs and am I hungry or just bored.

I can spend ten minutes choosing a snack and then spend another ten minutes worrying that I chose it for the wrong emotional reason.

And don’t get me started on texts. For instance if someone invites me to meet up I will L think oh about responses:

“Sounds good!” – sounds too excited.

“Cool!” – sounds like I am trying too hard .

“Yay!” – sounds like I’m actually don’t care.

So I land on “haha okay :)” – which somehow manages to sound both nervous and mentally unstable.

The Nighttime Rerun Marathon

There’s something about 1:47 a.m. that just screams, “Let’s replay every slightly awkward moment from your entire life!”

Remember that time in 2015 when you waved back at someone who wasn’t waving at you?

No? Well, my brain does. It’s in 4K Ultra HD.

Or replaying a conversation from 2019 because, obviously, that’s when I ruined my life.

Does anyone else remember it? Absolutely not.

But my brain? My brain has kept the receipts, framed them, and is currently curating an exhibit titled ‘Moments That Definitely Didn’t Matter Or Did They?!’.

Acceptance… Kind Of

I’d love to say I’m learning to stop second-guessing myself — but that would be a lie, and my anxiety would immediately put me back in my place.

So instead, I’m learning to laugh about it. Because at least my anxiety has range.

She’s dramatic, unpredictable, and clearly passionate about her work to make me suffer for no plausible reason.

Honestly… Maybe overthinking just means I care. Maybe it means I want to do things right. Or maybe it just means I should drink some water and take a nap. Hard to say.

Anyway, if you see me staring into space, I’m probably just thinking about a text I sent six hours ago. Or deciding whether I sound too needy in this blog post.

(Probably both.)

Now excuse me while I read this 17 more times before posting. Just, you know… to be sure.